Random Ramblings

I am so excited that it is Friday! This week has seemed to just drain every little ounce out of me. When I got up this morning, I had the shakes really bad, and had a very difficult time standing! Found out last night that sons soccer tournament for this weekend was cancelled, so I have decided to take a MEcation this weekend. I went and rented five movies, found a good book, and I am going to camp out in bed all weekend. I will spend some time stitching, watching movies, reading, taking naps...whatever I need to recharge and get ready for next week. You know sometimes I really resent have an illness that can strip so much from me, but I have decided that I am looking at this all wrong. How many people can seriously take a MEcation for a whole weekend? It is only because of the MS that I am able to do this, and for that I guess I am thankful (strange huh?)

I hope to spend a fair amount of time stitching this weekend! I miss the quietness and the comfort that comes from doing the same thing over and over again <-only a stitcher understands this. It is calming, settling, rhythmic, and soothing to my soul~something I desperately need right now.

Update on son, he is still in the hospital. They are looking at a possible release next Wednesday. We still have not heard back on our appeal, we don't have a place for him to go when discharged, and a lot of other things are up in the air. However, this weekend, I have decided NOT to worry about this! I will go full force again on Monday. Until then time for MECATION!!!!

Have you ever put a puzzle together? The more pieces you have in it, the longer it takes for the picture to form on the table in front of you. God does the same thing in our lives. I look at our lives as one big gigantic puzzle with millions of pieces. We often don't see the whole picture until the puzzle is put together (at the end of our life). Along with putting a huge puzzle together comes all those emotions that we go through in life. Thankfulness at getting the piece to fit, pain or anger when we can't find a piece, frustration when we think things are going to slow, or not our way, etc. Sometimes we even try to force the pieces to fit by making decisions that we know we shouldn't, just so we can have a certain outcome. And at the end of the puzzle a sense of accomplishment or completion. I know in my own life all these things are true. What I have missed in my puzzle a lot lately is the Joy! When I sit down to do a puzzle, it is for the joy of doing a puzzle. Very rarely do I think about how hard it will be, how much work it might take, what frustrations lay on the horizon. It is the Joy of Completion. This is what I want for me life. Not that I will always be smiling and light, but the purpose for my very existence shines out in everything I do. That the joy of the Lord and my salvation sustains me. And that I remember that my time on this earth is so short, the bible says its but a vapor.

Joy.....Joy Unspeakable -> because in humanity it is not understood!

HA HA HA...You thought I was going to say the old adage of "Life is a bowl of cherries, and I am down with the pits" (or however that goes). Well You are WRONG! I am not going to say that, simply because no matter how bad things may seem in my little world, I can always find someone who has a far more difficult struggle in their lives.

I have learned a few things in the past few weeks, that I thought I would share.

1. I simply do not have enough time in each of my days. No matter how hard I try to add an extra hour, or two, or ten (by not sleeping), it just simply is never enough.
2. I have got to learn to prioritize every portion of my life. Things have an evil way of sneaking in and taking away from you the very things you love and make you happy~like reading my bible, praying and cross-stitch.
   
3. No matter how weak I am through my struggles, God will make me strong enough to endure. Just when I think I am at the very end of what I can handle (and believe me there has been a multitude of times in the last few weeks that I have been there) God comes along through a word from a friend, a card in the mail, an unexpected email, or just in the rare quietness of a moment and picks me back up again.
   

Through all circumstances, God truly does sustain me. Now if I could just convince Him to add a few more hours to my day so I could stitch, life would be grand :) (just kidding of course......well kind of).

"BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD" PSALMS 46:10

Okay if there was one thing I could ask for today, it would be QUIET! Its not the "noise" of the world, but more the static of my brain, as I try to get all things done. I have been working diligently (from sun up to sunset) on a new placement for my son after he leaves the hospital. Because of the problems we are having with the grant that pays for his placement, it seems most placements won't consider him. We have to have something in place by Friday morning-when we are going to court.

I also found out on Sunday that we are closing down our youth center. Of course Robert is graduating and leaving the end of May. I had already scheduled his party at the youth center, but it will be closed. Now with just 3 weeks or so left, I have to scramble and deal with finding a new place. I have yet to do the invitations and so forth. That all has to be done by Friday as well.

On top of all of this, I am in charge of Cookie Dough orders (that are delivered on April 30th) and can't get out of my commitments. And I am on the committee to do our home tournament on Memorial Day weekend. There are lots of small details that need to be taken care of here and there with that.

The only thing keeping me going is knowing I have lots of prayer support, and a God who heaps His love on me. Honestly moving moment by moment right now, attempting to keep my own sanity, and praying for the night when the quiet can come (if only for a few hours).

Well for those of you have followed my blog, for any amount of time, this will come of no shock~! Our life has once again been turned UPSIDE Down! Yesterday I drove down to our states capital and testified about the need for more mental health funds, correct procedures and the what not. After, I was interviewed by one of the local television anchors out of Decatur, and I just a minute ago watched my interview on Television. That was interesting to say the least!

I spent the evening with my severe needs son, getting him hospitalized after what we feel is a complete breakdown in his care.

Today I have spent the day taking phone calls, spending time getting things in order, going to appointments etc. I got my "bad" test results back from my doctor this afternoon and was told I had very high numbers in my RF numbers, indicating an advanced case of Rheumatoid Arthritis. I will be following up with a Rheumotologist asap. Honestly in the grand scheme of things, it just doesn't seem like that big of a deal!

So here is the latest update of our crazy life!!!

Tim and I celebrated our 16th year anniversary yesterday, by both being in bed (not what you are thinking) by 8pm! I had managed to send the kids off their varies ways, and we decided to go window shopping and then have an early dinner. Tim has been dealing with a horrible cold all week, so we thought that we would come home, snuggle up and watch a little TV just the two of us. Well, he spent the evening on the couch coughing and hacking and being outright miserable. I spent the evening and subsequently most of the night in the bathroom throwing up whatever I had that made me sick.

The funny thing is, on our very first anniversary, we spent the day very much the same. After attempting to go fishing with my husband in 30 degree weather while it was snowing, I spent the entire time huddled under two jackets and a sleeping bag, completely miserable (and NOT fishing). After a few hours, I told him that I was going to go home, and I would see him later. By the time I had gotten home, I had the chills and was running 103 temp. Straight to bed I went. Several hours went by, and home came my husband with the same affliction. He slept on the couch and took over the bed. There we stayed for the remainder of our anniversary night.

Good Times I tell ya! All in all, I am so very glad to have the man I do in my life, and am looking forward to the next 16 years and more!

Despite my rant on Sunday, I really am in good spirits (thanks to all my friends who emailed me support, love and hugs). The dryer is still really broke, but we have a nice man in the basement right now trying to fix it. Tim and I decided rather then buy a used appliance with no warranty, we would fix this one, one more time, and then save for a new set. Our hopes is to get a nice set that can eventually go in our kitchen, so it is more accessible for me to do laundry. The window on the van is still broke, but what do I need all the drive through McDonald's for anyway??? Maybe God is trying to get me to go on a diet! As for the freezer/fridge? Well the darn thing isn't leaking, and all we can figure out is someone (NOT NAMING NAMES) dropped an ice cube on the floor, which then melted and went under the fridge!

So on to nicer things! Allyssa had her second class of Tae Kwon Do last night (for those not familiar, it is a form of martial arts). I was very impressed by how gentle the teacher was with the instructions to her. It was if he understood her before he really even got to know her. He would say things like, Allyssa you are doing really well for your second time in class and one time she did something right that others had not, he really doted and praised her. The smile on her face told me everything! It is the first time I have seen her actually "love" something like that, and I am so glad that she has found her niche'!

Joshua has started soccer practices. We practice four days a week. It has been an incredible opportunity for him, as our club team has hired coaches from the Chicago Fire MLS (Major league soccer) Team. I am hopeful that the extra training and expertise will help the kids, and Josh step up to that next level! I remind myself, while in the midst of the drudgery of driving too and from soccer practice, that in the end it will pay off....:)

Zech is still living in his placement for the time being. We are working with several individuals to make sure we make the best decisions on his behalf, and that we fight for everything he needs. We are on a very tight time line, and so, we are working diligently to get things done.

Robert is almost graduated! We are down to the wire now, and there are very few days left for things to be done. He is now beginning to prepare for the various things he will need once he leaves for Basic Training. Of course, he thinks he needs more then he does, and so we are battling with that. I have decided to talk strait to the Sgts. in charge of him and get the truth right from their mouths, rather then get a second hand account from my son.

My health, I am afraid has begun to really suffer from the impacts of the stress in our lives right now. I am trying to be very careful to get lots of sleep, and pay attention to what is going on around me. I have tried to reduce as much stress as I can~but honestly lets face it, we all have stressors in our lives no matter how hard we try. I have to learn how not to let that stress affect me. My biggest issue is when things affect my kids. But I am learning.

Tim's job is still open. That is all I am going to say on that point, because honestly we know nothing else about it. Could be another few months before we really know the extent of everything.

This week is special for us, as Tim and I will be celebrating 16 years of marriage on Friday. Wow has time flown by. Well my loving husband is forcing me off the computer, so I will type more later!

Have you ever heard the saying, "Things come in threes"? Okay so maybe it only applies to celebrity deaths, that is unless of course you are me! So here is my run down of the week. The first thing to break was the drivers side window on our mini-van. No big deal, right?! That is until you try to go through the drive through of your local bank, or to get a "fix" at the local McDonald's. Still, all and all, not disastrous. Then yesterday, the dryer broke. And I mean COMPLETELY broke! After 7 hours of "air" dry, my load of clothes was still wet. So off I went to my local Menards (for those of you in other countries, that is our chain hardware store). There I bought two clotheslines, clothes pins etc. And at 10:30 last night, Tim and I hung clothes lines in the dark. Then this morning, Very early~thanks to the neighbors who are putting a new roof on the house, and insist on starting at the crack of dawn~ I was out hanging clothes on the new clothes line so they wouldn't get mildewy. The third thing, well I came inside from hanging up the clothes, and noticed a nice size puddle under my freezer door. Not sure yet where the water is leaking from, but my guess is that either the water in the door, or the ice maker has sprung a leak. Ugghhh!!! So, that is my threes, and I should be good for the rest of the year, right?!

At least my hubby still has a job, for the time being!!! Hopefully we will be able to find a used dryer tomorrow. I can do without water and ice in the door, and the drivers side window not working..........but I can not deal with not having a dryer. I don't mind hanging clothes, but with it being spring, and the weather so unpredictable, one never knows if the clothes will have a chance to dry. And I wash every day to stay on top of it.

HI! Yes, I have went absolutely crazy! Okay well maybe I was already there, but anyway :). Left on Monday morning with my best friend, my youngest two (Josh and Allyssa) and my best friends daughter Emily. We had filled the back of Mary's little SUV with a bunch of food and goodies to munch on, as well as all the clothes we could possibly need for an overnight trip~Remember there were FOUR of us "women" in the car!!! Josh brought one very small bag, carrying all his essentials, and we filled the rest of the car LOL. Our plans were to drive the hour and a half to a small town called Utica Illinois, where we would play for a blissful 48 hours in the indoor water park. Wanna see what it was? CLICK HERE

Okay, so we got lost going up. My fault. I of course thought I had been to the area enough times to know the way, without looking at a map. (Tim and I go up every year for our anniversary). Well, I was wrong LOL. It all ended up good, as we just took a minor detour and spent some time looking at historic Peru. Finally, upon getting to the waterpark, the girls (younger ones) could hardly contain themselves to get into the pool. So we checked in, rushed into our swimsuits, and headed off to the pool, where the girls played blissfully for about an hour before getting bored LOL. We did have lots of fun (although the food and the prices of said food was outrageous...food being bad, prices being extremely HIGH). Tuesday morning we got up early, headed back to the pool and such, then went into to town to eat..>Gee why didn't we think of this the night before??!! Oh well. After lunch, and ice cream, we departed and headed home, stopping off at some beautiful canyons to see some waterfalls, and nature.

Tuesday evening began Soccer practice, and wouldn't you know the temperature was a balmy 38?! We arrived at 6:15pm (a full 45 minutes early since Josh was so excited to start). We sat there watching Josh do his various training until almost 9pm...and then took our frozen bodies back home.

This morning, began the fun and excitement of the unknown finally becoming a reality. As of this a.m., Tim's company has officially filed a Chapter 11 bankruptcy. There was also an email circulated that there may be a delay, at the very least, of the employee's wages. Everything else is up in the air, and we will continue to trust that God has it all under control. I continually remind myself of the saying that, "Worry is like a rocking chair, you can rock and rock and never get anywhere." I will place it in God's hands, and then continue on, however with the knowledge that there may need to be some real changes in our very near future!

The saying goes another day..another dollar, but in our life lately it is another day....another miracle. We have actually had two miracles in two days. The first came in the form of another parent with a child with disabilities pointing out a rule that we were unaware and not informed about. This rule allows Zech to say where he is right now, until we have run through the entire appeal process (which could take up to 90 days). At the very least this would get him through to the end of school. Of course we are still hoping for a miracle in that we get his funding reinstated totally.

The second miracle came today. Last week Tim had to take a night off of work to stay home and take care of me. This was a night off without pay, and we were really sweating how we were going to pay the bills having lost the pay. Well we sat down today, and even though the check was smaller then normal we were still able to pay the bills needed and our tithe this week. God multiplyed the money that came in!!! I am so thankful that God's miracles still happen today. All in all was a great day!

I received this today, and had to pass it on in whatever way I could, because what it says is so true!

Having MS means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about MS and it's effects on us; and many of those who think they do know
are actually misinformed. In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand...

These are the things that I would like you to understand
about me before you judge me:

Please understand that being sick does not mean I'm no longer a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion and if you visit I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me stuck inside this body. I still worry about school, and work, and my family and friends, and most of the time I'd still like to hear you
talk about yours too.

Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu you probably feel miserable with it for a week or two, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time, in fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy, that's all. It doesn't mean that I'm still not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of those things. Please, don't say "Oh, you are sounding better!" I am not sounding
better, I am sounding happy. If you want to comment on that, you are welcome to.


Please understand that being able to stand for 10 minutes doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand for 20 minutes or an hour. Just because I was able to stand up for 30 minutes yesterday doesn't mean I can do the same today.
With a lot of diseases and disorders one is either paralyzed, or they can move. With MS it's far more confusing: one hour or day or week or year we may have normal - or almost normal - mobility; the next hour or day or week or year we
may be unable to sit, stand, walk, think, remember, or even get out of bed, we may be unsociable or depressed, and almost assuredly we are in pain. We have good days and bad, and during our good days we may truly not "look sick", but we
are.

Please understand that making plans other than immediate ones is a crap shoot at best, because we can't know how we will feel or what our physical, mental or emotional condition will be. If we seem to hedge about making plans with you, please understand it's because we truly don't know if we will be able to honor them. The same applies if we have to cancel plans previously made or invitations, even at the last minute - it is not personal, and it makes us as frustrated and sad as it does you! That is what MS does to us, and it's how we
must live our lives. It is not just a matter of sucking it in, or bucking up, or psyching ourselves up; believe me if we could, we would!

Please understand that MS is variable - with each person and from person to person. It is quite possible and often all too common, that one day I can walk to the park and back, or bicycle 2-4 miles, or swim 12 laps, or even run with my dog; while the next day I may have great difficulty getting out of bed, walking to the kitchen, or be unable to walk at all without a cane, walker or other mobility aid. Please don't attack me when I can't do today what I did before by saying
"but you did it yesterday!" or "you did it before!" Your frustration can not begin to compare to our own frustration. The very act of planning while not knowing what condition we will be in is stressful and tiring in itself. If you
want me to do something with you, or go someplace with you... ASK if I can. I may well dearly want to go, but simply be physically unable to do so. Understand if I have to say no today, but please ask me again soon.

Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better and can often make me seriously worse. Telling me that I need a treadmill, or that I
just need to lose (or gain) weight, get this exercise machine, join this gym, try these classes, take these vitamins, herbs, tonics and snake-oil cures will
frustrate me to tears and is totally incorrect. If I was capable of doing things, don't you think I would? And when I am capable, I DO! I work with my doctors and physical therapists and follow the exercise and diet plans they
prescribe.

Another statement that hurts: "You just need to push yourself more..." Obviously, MS directly impacts muscles and ours do not regenerate as quickly as yours do. Pushing ourselves beyond comfortable physical limits can be dangerous and cause a severe relapse. On the other hand, doing what we can when
we can is excellent therapy both physically and mentally... and we do! If I work at a part-time job for 4 hours one day, my fatigue level is greater than yours if you worked a 12 hour day. Many days I can still do anything I ever did as
well as I ever did ... but only one thing per day or week or month. Everything drains us and exhausts us exponentially more than a normal, healthy person our age (whatever age that is); our recovery time is also exponentially greater. If
I go to a party or dinner and show tonight for several hours and have a wonderful time, I do so knowing with 99% certainty that tomorrow I will need all day to rest and recover, much of it spent lying down. MS causes secondary depression in and of itself; our depression may escalate when dealing with days on end of constant pain and limited mobility or cognitive function. We are NOT tired because we are depressed! We are depressed because we are so tired.


When I say I can't do something because I am so fatigued, please don't say "Oh I know what you mean! I am worn out too, but..." because you don't. MS fatigue is not like any tiredness you have ever experienced, nor has anyone who
does not have MS or other fatigue-producing disorder. I know you mean well, but it's irritating to hear because it tells me you don't understand me or my MS at all. I may well be just plain tired - we get normally tired during remission
phases just as any normal person does - but trust me: we know the difference, and it's huge.

When we are together, please understand when I say I have
to sit down, lie down, get a drink, take these pills, or get into a cool place that I have to do it and do it now! No, I can't walk another 5 blocks to the car, or walk back down the hill I just climbed up. Don't baby me, don't hover
over me, don't do things for me unless I ask - we are very proud and never want to be a burden. Our independence, or what we can retain of it, is of paramount importance to us! Please help by listening to and believing what we say we need and act upon it accordingly and as quickly as possible. You wouldn't question a known diabetics request for orange juice or insulin, so please don't question us or urge us to 'keep on... we are almost there!' Not unless you are prepared to
a) carry us the rest of the way or b) call 911. MS does not wait, nor does it forgive... when we say "please ... now!" it means now.

If you want to suggest a cure to me, don't. It's not because I don't appreciate the thought, and it's not because I don't want to get well. It's because I have had almost
every single one of my family and friends suggest something at one point or another. At first I tried them all, but then I realized that I was using up so much energy trying things that I was making myself sicker, not better. If there
was something that cured, or even markedly helped, all forms of MS the world would know about it. If you still insist on promoting 'cures' to me or giving me 'this will make you better' advice, do so; but understand I won't rush out and
try it though I may well continue to research it on my own and discuss those findings with my doctors.

In many ways I depend on you... people who are not sick... I need you to visit with me when I am unable to go out; sometimes I may need you to help me with shopping, cooking or cleaning; sometimes I may even need you to do those things for me. I may need you to go with me to my doctor
appointments to help me remember and understand their direction, or I may just need a ride. I need you on so many different levels... as much as possible, treat me as normally as possible, enjoy me and allow me to enjoy you as much as
possible, and.... as much as it's possible...I Need you to Understand Me.
Posted on 03/31/09, 04:03 pm on DS http://dailystrength.org/c/Multiple_Sclerosis_MS/forum/6688302-having-ms-means/lastpage

What does that phrase really mean, to go "postal"? Well I have to tell you that any time you deal with the government and their bureaucracy, there is absolutely no other thing you would like better then to walk into said bureaucracy with a fully loaded gun (the biggest baddest you can find) and just blow some heads off. But being the kind natured, non-killing type of person that I am, I guess that is not an option for me. I spent nearly four hours working on an appeal letter for my sons grant money. The whole time I was writing it I was dealing with two feelings. The first of utter hopelessness, that no matter what I write or how urgent my plea, that some "idiot" will read it an once again deny it. The second feeling was one of sadness. By doing this appeal process, I had to dig up any facts and quote them as a basis for my appeal. Now mind you I could only go back through one year of paperwork (this was not part of my four hours by the way). The stack was nearly 12 inches thick of paperwork generated in one year. I was saddened by the continual diagnosises as well as the lack of improvement on his part. It hurts so badly to know as a parent, that even when you have done your absolute best, it still may not be good enough for your child to live a healthy and productive adult life. While I no longer put blame on myself for the circumstances that surrounding his early birth and possible brain damage in utero, I do feel an abundent sadness deep within, that he has such a difficult road to walk down.

All that being said, I have finished the appeal letter, and have several looking at it and proofreading it for me. When that is done, it will be sent to the proper authorities, and then we wait. Oh what Fun!

Well, I don't know what has gotten into me as of late. Here I sit with my hubby home for the next week on vacation, and rather then enjoying the extra free time, I just feel restless. I thought I would be able to put this time to good use writing, but just can't seem to find the inspiration at the moment~or maybe it is the words as the inspiration is always there. I tried to stitch, but just can't seem to get into a rhythm with that either. I even went onto my favorite game site, pogo.com and tried to spend some mindless minutes playing games. Nope that didn't work either. I just feel like "doing" something, but have no idea what! Have you ever felt that way? Of course the "doing" does not include the things I should do like cleaning, laundry, bills, etc. I have a beautiful piece to stitch. I found it here . I would love to sit and work on it, and get it done!!!! (I am making it for our pastor). But I just can't seem to get in a jive...and anyone who stitches knows you can't force that! So here I sit, blogging and staring at my facebook page (BTW that is an evil, evil thing). With my luck, no doubt, I will hit a zone late this afternoon when the kids come home, and then won't be able to continue on in whatever because they will be here distracting me, or hubby will want something or or or...

Ohhh whoa-is-me ROFLOL

Okay, now to be serious.............I shall try to get something accomplished, like some writing perhaps :)

Why is it that when we are in the midst of heartaches or struggles we forget to look upon the One who has all the answers? Why is my first call to my husband or my best friend, rather then to the God who sustains me? God is so good, and faithful for forgiving my insecurities. While in church this morning we were singing a song about being in God's presence, and that is exactly what happened. His presence came and visited on me, in such a tangible way, as if God Himself reached down from heaven, and put His arms around my shoulders. And there I sat crying. God did something for me that I had been needing from those close to me all week, He let me cry on His shoulder! What a wonderful experience. And a peace fell over me. Yes I still have struggles to go through this week, but I have a peace about all of it. I know that God has it all worked out, even if I can't see it!!!!

Anyway, I just had to share.

Had a doctors appointment on Thursday, and yet more trash is dumped into my life. I swear if one more person (not speaking of one of you all of course) says to me "God won't give you more then you can handle" I will go postal and rip their little heads right off of their shoulders! Okay, so that was pretty graphic, sorry!!!! So I went to the doctor because I have been having quite a few problems that are "new" (trouble breathing). I figured it would be a quick visit in which the doctor would say, its asthma or bronchitis and send me about my business. But NO. My lungs were absolutely clear. So his response to me is "I believe the the muscles around your lungs, and perhaps your heart (high blood pressure and heart rate) are fatigued" WHAT THE HECK???? He did not blame it on my MS, but rather sort of indicated he thought it might be a "new" problem. So off to the hospital I went to have a bunch of blood tests, x-rays and such. I have an MRI scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. Then after all the tests come back, he suggested sending me to a new neurologist, a pulmonologist, a rhuemotologist and a cardiologist. That's an awful lot of professionals! Hopefullly whatever "it" is, is quickly diagnosed and treated!

Monday afternoon was flying by, as every other typical Monday afternoon. I went to my mailbox, got the mail, came in the house and began to look it over. In the pile was a letter from a program that funds my 17 year old son Zech's mental health care and residential services, the Illinois Care Grant (or ICG for short). I opened it, thinking not much about it as we have to renew every year. I was so sure that it would be renewed, that I hadn't really even given it a second thought. Well guess what. It wasn't renewed. It is over effective the end of April. Now you have to understand that Zech has been in residential placements for nearly 6 years, not because we don't love him or want him at home, but because HE NEEDS to be there. The audacity of some bozo sitting there making decisions based on very limited information, most of the time without so much as a medical degree, is just outrageous to me. They say that since the last episode of major hallucinations was back in December (What a whole 3 months ago), he is "stable" enough to return to the home environment. Never mind that he is on high amounts of psychotropic drugs, including anti-psychotic medication, never mind that he hasn't been able to handle a home visit of more then two days, never mind that his abilities at school are falling apart, never mind that he is unable to sleep and is giving his home all kinds of hassles, never mind that this same home has three staff members to four kids~AND they change shifts every 8 hours. What the heck am I supposed to do with him????

So being the good mother that I am, I am appeal the process. In the meantime though I have also begun to work on some other things, in case he comes home, to make sure that his needs (and ours) are met. Unfortunately I am hitting HUGE road blocks everywhere I turn. Seems that our state is out of money, and is stupid enough to cancel services for the mentally ill FIRST! What complete morons! Do they not get that this will eventually cost them 2, 3 or even 4 times more money??? I told those that are close to me, that I will fight with everything that is in me to get his grant approved. But that when that fight is over, win or lose, I will begin a campaign like none other in this state. I will guarantee that senators, congressmen, and any other official both in the state and national government will not only Know my name, but grow to FEAR IT!

So, it has been awhile since I posted a note as to what I am up to. Thought I should do that today! So following is a wrap up of what has been going on the last few weeks in the Sorrells Family:

Soccer: Yep soccer has started again. Josh has three to four practices a week plus weight training two days a week and running training three days a week. In addition, we are ramping up to the busy season with our soccer club, getting ready for our upcoming Spring tournament during Memorial Day weekend. (This happens to be the same time my oldest is leaving for Army~More below). Because I am on the tournament committee, I am beginning work on this tournament such as setting vendors up and such. Also have my monthly meeting of the Board which I am the secretary for.

School: The kids are almost to their spring breaks. That means a week and a half home, and have to have things to keep them occupied. Josh, Allyssa and I are going to take off on April 5th and 6th overnight to go to a local indoor water park. We are going up with my best friend Mary and Her daughter. It will be nice to get away from all the stress, and just relax, even if it is only over night!

Church: Church has become really busy. We have been attending Sun. morning and Evening, Wednesday evening, Thursday mornings. In addition I have been going to Women's Ministries on Tuesday morning and cabin fever moms Tuesday afternoons. I have also been working with several other ladies to do a visitation ministry. And my other best friend Leia and I have been meeting every Friday to go over our Sunday school lesson (Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart).

Writing: I am working on two separate books right now, which have both taken up a lot of my free time.

Stitching: Working on the Names of Jesus for my pastor and his wife.

In addition, Robert will be graduating May 17th. (Of course we have a soccer tournament that weekend. Luckily it is fairly local, so we will be doing a lot of driving back and forth etc.). The following weekend is our home tournament, Robert's graduation party, and he will be leaving for basic training that Sunday evening. I can't believe it is SOOOO Close! I am also very busy now that Zech has moved back to the area with appointments and such. Everyday I hope things will slow down a bit, and every day they seem to get busier LOL

Last but not least, Tim and I are waiting to hear about his job. Last Friday they laid off (actually terminated) 40 people~mostly office and higher up people. The company then posted in the newspaper that they were going to have to do "something" (Either chapter 11 bankruptcy or a buyout) by the first of April. There are a lot of rumors of a buyout, but we all believe they will file bankruptcy first then be bought out. The general feeling is that if there is a buyout, they will all lose their jobs, and eventually some of them will be hired back on under a much lower pay. We are just waiting to see what happens, and praying that God provides whatever is necessary.

It has been a long time since I last posted, and for that I apologize. What do I say, other then life happened, and I got carried away in it. I have not been working much on stitching lately, but rather working on a book that will be titled "Flip flops and Sandcastles, what to do when God says wait". I feel that I am to tell a story, not just about MS or my journey through it, but to be able to help others who's journey has ended up in a Wait scenario. God does not always give Yes or No answers. So how we deal with a wait answer is important. I am striving to show in my life on a daily basis, that God can use even the worst of circumstances for the benefit of us and those around us. So, I am working diligently to write what is in my heart, if for no other reason then to give my children something to read into their future, that will uplift and give them hope during times of trouble in their own lives.

Well went to my support group today. It was, well, informative. They had a speaker there from a local IPMR (don't remember what that stands for). She spoke about Fall Prevention. I just kept looking at her thinking, what the heck am I doing here. Most of her information was for "older" persons. She kept quoting statistics and going on and on about how falling is one of the biggest reasons "older" people die.......and that "a fall is the begining of the end". Anyway. I did come away with some information that I may find useful. I also got signed up for the National MS support line. They will be sending a bunch of pamphlets to help me address some of the issues I am having, as well as some information for my friends/family members who don't seem to "get it".

I ended up meeting the man who I had been talking to online. It was comforting, albeit weird, to know I would sort of "know" someone there. And in the end, he kind of made me go....I was waffeling this morning about whether or not to attend, and I just kept thinking how stuck up it would be for me to not show up. So I went. I am not sure that I really got much "encouragement" out of going, but maybe I just need to give myself more time to get to know the people there. One of the other ladies there, probably in her mid 40s, had just been diagnosed within the last three weeks. Then there was the man who I went to school with. Everyone else there was much older. One lady came with her CNA (certified nurses assistant), another lovely lady (maybe 70 or so) came in with her walker. It was a very strange group of people!

After the support group, I decided to make a day of it. I went out to lunch at McDonalds, and then headed off to Hobby Lobby (my favorite store of all). My friend Mary had given me a gift certificate some time ago, and I had a 40% off coupon, so I bought some fabric for some upcoming project LOL. By the time I left the store, it was time for Josh to get off school, so I swung by and picked him up because it was raining. Then the kids decided they wanted pizza for dinner, and I was pooped, so I drove them to Little Ceasers (home of the $5.00 pizza), and then back home! The kids ate dinner at 3:45 LOL. I took a bath, and was in bed by 4:30. Took a bit of a nap, then got up and worked on a bible study. Now its 7:00 and here I sit on the computer, trying to get through the evening, until kids go to bed and hubby gets home, so I can go back to sleep. Ohhh the excitement of my life LOL.

If anyone ever wants more information on this disease (Multiple Sceloris) I have some websites for you to check out. They are:
www.nationalmssociety.org
www.msfacts.org
http://www.mult-sclerosis.org/

I hope no one ever has to "deal" with this illness on a personal basis, but one never knows when you might meet someone with it. Knowledge is power~