Random Ramblings

Today we had a meeting with our school district concerning Zech and his placement. We went into the meeting asking that the school place him in a residential facility because we believed that the school could not offer him the services he required to succeed. The school district decided that they would not place him into a residential placement, and in turn told us that they could provide him with the services "required by law". This means that barring a reversal on the denial of our ICG grant, the worst scenario has now happened. Zech will be home with us long term. Honestly I can not begin to tell you how I am grieving. I am absolutely beside myself right now. I CAN NOT maintain him in my home. Even Zech has told me he can't maintain at home. I just am at a total loss as to which way to turn to next. My hopes were high this morning that I had enough evidence to prove the need for the school to pay for a residential placement. Apparently the man on the moon wouldn't have enough evidence! So here I am now, living out the nightmare. Our services that we did qualify for will end on June 1st. Meaning that whatever the school gives him will be the only services he receives!

Officially Robert Has Graduated!!!! THANK THE GOOD LORD ABOVE!

I can't believe that my baby will be walking across that stage and receiving his diploma in just a few days. So many times we questioned this day would ever happen. Most especially last year when he took an overdose and nearly died. I am thankful that God held on to him, and used that experience to shape his life! I am SO proud of my son, the man he has become, and the decisions he has made in his life. My heart aches at the knowledge that he is no longer my "little boy" and that he now will enter into adulthood and all that comes with it. I pray as he goes that he stays safe, that God has a 'perfect' match for his future, and that he finds satisfaction in the job he has chosen, to be a United States military man.

This is a picture of the project I am working on...His Name Is Jesus. It is a free chart and can be found HERE!

I began to wonder if I will ever be able to post an update to my cross-stitch on my blog again. Things have been so chaotic and crazy here, that even if I did have time to pick up a needle and my stitching, I couldn't concentrate on it anyway. I am looking forward to Wednesday though. I will be taking Zech back to the hospital for some testing (between 6 and 8 hours worth). There are nice comfy chairs in the waiting area, so I am thinking I shall just camp out with a diet coke, my stitching and a good book. The lady at the hospital was concerned about me sitting there, and I said...Oh no, I look forward to having some quiet time all to myself...No worries LOL. I am hopeful to finish by "Names for Jesus" then. I am about 3/4 of the way done. I will take it and another project and see how far I can get!

As for the other things, well life is still very difficult. Even Tim is starting to really have trouble with Zech. We are on our fifth full day with him home. This is the longest he has been home in almost three years. He is struggling, we are struggling, the other two kids are really struggling. It is such a challenge on the household, and since everything has to be so structured, it is really tiring to make sure he is getting what he needs. I haven't had a full night sleep since he has been home. Even with Tim home at night, every time Zech is up, I am awake. Last night that meant between midnight and 6 am being woke up five different times. While mostly I can go back to sleep fairly quickly~ once I know he went back to sleep, it means that I am sleeping really lightly.

My health is suffering now. I noticed today that I am having to really push myself just to walk, even with my cane. My legs are exhausted, and my body feels like I have run several marathons. Unfortunately I can't slow down for at least another week. I just pray God keeps me healthy until the first week of June.

Well off to Tim's baseball game. We weren't going to go, because it is a 9pm game, but I don't want to be left home alone with Zech, so we are all going, even if it means Allyssa is out late on a school night.

For the first time in 7 years, I had all four of my children home for Mother's Day. It has been an extremely emotional day, as I realize that it may be many years again before they are all home once more. Robert and I had a good talk this afternoon. I told him how proud I am of him, and what a mature wonderful man he has become. The thought of him leaving in just over two weeks is overwhelming at times, and I find myself crying at the drop of a hat. For that I am glad that the next few weeks are filled with multiple tasks, and very busy! I always joked that I couldn't wait until they left home, but I am finding it much harder then I expected it to be.

Hope all my friends had a happy mother's day today, and have a year full of many blessings~