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What does that phrase really mean, to go "postal"? Well I have to tell you that any time you deal with the government and their bureaucracy, there is absolutely no other thing you would like better then to walk into said bureaucracy with a fully loaded gun (the biggest baddest you can find) and just blow some heads off. But being the kind natured, non-killing type of person that I am, I guess that is not an option for me. I spent nearly four hours working on an appeal letter for my sons grant money. The whole time I was writing it I was dealing with two feelings. The first of utter hopelessness, that no matter what I write or how urgent my plea, that some "idiot" will read it an once again deny it. The second feeling was one of sadness. By doing this appeal process, I had to dig up any facts and quote them as a basis for my appeal. Now mind you I could only go back through one year of paperwork (this was not part of my four hours by the way). The stack was nearly 12 inches thick of paperwork generated in one year. I was saddened by the continual diagnosises as well as the lack of improvement on his part. It hurts so badly to know as a parent, that even when you have done your absolute best, it still may not be good enough for your child to live a healthy and productive adult life. While I no longer put blame on myself for the circumstances that surrounding his early birth and possible brain damage in utero, I do feel an abundent sadness deep within, that he has such a difficult road to walk down.

All that being said, I have finished the appeal letter, and have several looking at it and proofreading it for me. When that is done, it will be sent to the proper authorities, and then we wait. Oh what Fun!