Back to Reality

11:25 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
I have had a day or two to digest everything that has happened in our house, and while I am not happy about the choices the Robert has made (and the consequences of making him move out) I can not any longer hold myself hostage over it. I was up all night wondering where he was, who he was with, if he was sleeping out in the cold. What good am I going to be to any one of my children if I get sick from not sleeping. And am I really showing faith and trust in God if I am constantly worrying...ummm no. Ultimately Robert is in God's hands and I have to let God move and bend Robert as he will. Unfortunately sometimes we learn the hard way instead of the easy way.

So, I am giving up my worry (or at least trying to) to God. I am going to work on the things I can fix. I need to give more quality time to both Josh and Allyssa. I need to do a better job of being a good wife to my husband~and this means doing those things I was put here to do (like cleaning, cooking, laundry etc). I need to do a better job of getting into the word. And I need to make sure that I spend time for myself. Not feeling guilty if I want to stitch, because I have the other things in my home done. I absolutely need to go back to flylady ( and get my routines in order so that I have that time for me, scheduled time for devotions, scheduled time to spend with the kids building relationships, etc. I also am really going to work on strengthening my relationship with my husband by being more appreciative of what he does, by telling him that, by making his lunches, or any other thing I can do to make him feel loved. The last thing I am going to work on is my health. I am going to get my treadmill set back up and walk every day (even if it is just for 15 minutes) and I am going to start eating the way I know I need to eat for my body to be at its best. I am also going to make the appointments I have put off, take the tests that I haven't wanted to take, and get refills of the medication that I stopped taking when I started neglecting myself for everyone else.

As for Robert, I am going to pray for him and love him. Knowing what I know now, there is no way I can have him back in my house. I hope he does well, I hope he gets the lessons learned that God wants to teach him (that I couldn't) and I hope he stays safe in the process. Most of all I will pray that someday he will forgive me and know that we did what we thought was best in all the decisions we made.