Relief and Reality

4:21 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Today I got relief and reality in one fare swoop. We had a meeting with our local school this morning concerning Zech and his needs. It wasn't long into the meeting before everyone at the table was in agreement that his needs are rather severe. There were many discussions about was/wasn't accomplished this summer with the school, the teachers and there therapist. It seems in many ways, he has stopped at about the level of a 5 year old. The relief came with the suggestion that the school could not provide the services that Zech required, and they agreed to place him back into residential! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Lord!!!!

The Reality struck as we were leaving the meeting. We have all realized that this is as good as it gets for him. He will never be able to live on his own, get married, have children, etc. The reality is that in many ways he will always be a 5 year old kid. Even though I KNOW I have done everything as his mother to help him, I still feel on some level that I have failed. I feel guilty for the relief that I feel knowing that soon he will be living elsewhere (ANYWHERE but here). I feel guilty for my other two at home who have had to endure 6 months of utter chaos, and have lost the little bit of summer that they would normally have. There are feelings of anger, resentment, fear, hurt, grief and so on....that I am sure it will take awhile to figure them all out. But in the mean time, what I really feel is RELIEF!

So, as soon as the school can get a placement lined up, and the paperwork is done, he will be moving. We are hoping (as is the school) that all this will be taking place in the next 30 days!