Good People, Hurtful Words
5:24 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Its taken me a few days to get to a place where I could actually post this without crying. See I have felt this "need" to get back involved in church. There are two reasons. First, I need to develop a deeper relationship with God. Second, I crave the socializing with other Christians as I don't go very many places. So our church has started a new Thursday Morning service, and I ventured out to attend it. The service was good, and I felt that I had learned something~which after all was my purpose. Afterwards, we all stood together (there were 10 of us) and prayed for one another. However, when it became my turn, I got slapped not once but twice. First I was told by one person that she felt I used my illness as a way to get attention! OUCH! The second slap was from another lady who said that I must not even speak the name of MS because by saying I had it, I was giving the credit to satan and not claiming God's healing in my life.
Now, I have to stop and address this first before I go on. I do believe God is healing me. However, I also believe His timing is not my own. How presumptuous would I be, if I gave Him a time line and a course of plan as to how to Heal my ailment. Maybe I will receive my healing here on earth, maybe not until that day I receive the ultimate of healing. Secondly, I try very hard to NOT say anything or do anything that would make it look as if I am "using" the MS to get attention. I so often go out of my way not to allow people to see what is really going on with me for this very reason. I stayed away from church for months because I was having such a hard time walking. But just to make sure I went to someone in the church that I trust would have the integrity and no problem telling me if she thought I was doing this. She confirmed what I already thought, that no I had not.
Needless to say, I have really been hurt by all of this. And it has made me really wonder why I bother to try to go to church. How do I move from here, to understanding and compassion for these women. My worldly self wants to yell and scream, rant and carry on.....tell them off etc. But I know that this not only will do no good, but it will only harm me in the process. It hurts to know that those people you are looking toward for help, support, and understanding during a difficult time~are the same ones that hurt you the most. I still have not decided whether or not to go on Thursday, but if I do, I can guarantee that my mouth will be SHUT!
Now, I have to stop and address this first before I go on. I do believe God is healing me. However, I also believe His timing is not my own. How presumptuous would I be, if I gave Him a time line and a course of plan as to how to Heal my ailment. Maybe I will receive my healing here on earth, maybe not until that day I receive the ultimate of healing. Secondly, I try very hard to NOT say anything or do anything that would make it look as if I am "using" the MS to get attention. I so often go out of my way not to allow people to see what is really going on with me for this very reason. I stayed away from church for months because I was having such a hard time walking. But just to make sure I went to someone in the church that I trust would have the integrity and no problem telling me if she thought I was doing this. She confirmed what I already thought, that no I had not.
Needless to say, I have really been hurt by all of this. And it has made me really wonder why I bother to try to go to church. How do I move from here, to understanding and compassion for these women. My worldly self wants to yell and scream, rant and carry on.....tell them off etc. But I know that this not only will do no good, but it will only harm me in the process. It hurts to know that those people you are looking toward for help, support, and understanding during a difficult time~are the same ones that hurt you the most. I still have not decided whether or not to go on Thursday, but if I do, I can guarantee that my mouth will be SHUT!
0 comments:
Post a Comment